Virtual relationship, real relationship: any difference?

I read a really cool post by PSFK’s Christine Huang earlier on the possible displacement of real-life social experiences with simulated ones.

This topic is so fascinating to me. On the one hand, I embrace all of the new, mostly digital, methods we have to connect. On the other hand, I’ve often feared that these new methods of connection have come to serve as imperfect proxies for real deep relationship, particularly in urban centres. As someone who believes that being known deeply is essential to a healthy lifestyle, this concerns me.

I guess I’m not alone. Christine’s post ends with the rather sobering question, “As we continue acculturating ourselves to new means of virtual connectivity, are we losing our understanding of how to do it the old fashioned way in the process?” Interestingly enough, I posed a similar question in my Facebook status a few months ago, and all respondents said no. Still, it can’t hurt to consider who, if anyone, knows us intimately and how we continue to invest in those relationships beyond a DM on Twitter…

(If you haven’t seen it, I’d recommend watching Kevin Slavin’s presentation at the PSFK conference in April. It’s excellent)

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Posted August 3, 2009 by JR. Comments and trackbacks are open. Follow the comments feed.
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  • When AOL instant messaging came out more than a decade ago, social "purists" (or is it "prudes") decried it as the destruction of real social interactions. And before that, when the Internet and email spilled into the public, those same people decried it as taking away from person to person communications.

    But in the years since these lamentations, none of their predicted social isolationism has come to pass. In fact, most people maintain more relationships than they could before, using paper-based snail mail or phones. And furthermore, because of the global nature of social networks like Facebook, it is not uncommon for young people growing up with it to have friends from around the world. These are friends that they would not have or could not have before simply due to geographical limitations.

    So the question is not about real life social experiences "displaced" by simulated ones. It is more like real life experience enhanced by virtual ones -- in multiple ways. The simple, short interactions that can be done virtually will be done virtually, thus freeing up time for more meaningful in person relationships. New friends found through common interests (not just common geography) lead to richer interactions about those interests. When one person can "tweet" his interests and thoughts to dozens, hundreds, or thousands of "followers" his thoughts and ideas have far greater influence and reach than if a person could only talk with a handful of people at a local in-person meeting.

    So in all respects, while there is the possibility that online experiences may replace real life social experiences, the evidence points towards significant enhancements of in person experiences, instead of the opposite.
  • JR
    I think you have to be careful not to confuse the level of interaction with the quality of interaction. No one would disagree with your first several paragraphs - that innovation has allowed us to interact in short form with many more people than previously possible. But it's not the level of interaction I'm concerned with, rather the quality. Consider this excellent blog post from George Parker:
    http://www.psfk.com/2009/08/george-parker-i-am-not-alone.html

    From my own experience, I think there's real merit to his points. I find it hard to spend more than a day in a small group of people bereft of the comforts of mass broadcasting via Twitter or Facebook. That may not be the case for everyone, but I'm increasingly hearing similar anecdotes to the one that George uses.

    In sum, I agree with your arguments...up until your last paragraph. I'm not certain you can use the increased influence social media offers as support for enhanced face-to-face communication.
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